I’ve been in a very reflective mood the past couple of weeks so when it came to thinking about what to write for the lovely SquibbVicious – I decided to have a look back at the past.
I write allsorts from lyrics to poetry, fiction and real life stuff. The piece I have decided to share with you was the very first serious “real life” piece I ever wrote and shared (FB). It was written about my son , Max who has special needs.
Max is now 9 and this was written when he was 7. What strikes me the most about the piece is understanding – I felt understood and i was thankful for it.
That’s the thing about writing, it’s a passion and whatever you write – it comes from within – a thought, feeling, experience, love, sadness, heartache and joy and is always so personal. That’s why I will always have the utmost respect for anything I read wether it’s a blog, a lyric, a story or an opinion – it’s a little piece of that person – a little snippet of their heart, mind, soul, understanding and history which is truly amazing and unique.
So here it is – a little snippet and look back in time
When I try and explain to people the difficulties Max has, it never comes out right; because I’m his mum, it’s like unspoken understanding. I understand it….. I know how to judge his intentions, if his behaviour is Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD) related or just everyday 7 year old cheekiness.
The first few lines below put it into words that perhaps other people will understand. When my child is having difficulties with SP he is not a naughty child, he is a child trying to deal with the world and I am a mum trying to help my child learn to deal with the world. It’s been a difficult road for us and at times, I wish I had listened to my inner instincts as a mum more and not to all the snippets of “advice” people offered because at the end of the day all they serve to do is make you question yourself and your parenting.
Children don’t learn SPD, children are BORN with SPD. Its a neurological disorder. I never use Max’s diagnosis as an excuse but I hope as more information is gained and more people become aware of SP – more understanding will be held, people wont be so quick to judge and more understanding will be given – just as it has given me more understanding.
Whatever happens, I’ve learnt that nothing else matters apart from my little family. Surrounding us with compassionate, supportive people has been the key to not feeling like we don’t fit. We do fit, were us and thats that ! Through positive changes, obtaining support and removing negative influences in our lives, over the past two years I have gained enough confidence to not care what people think, to let the negative “advice” (if you had done this, its because you did that, you didnt do that enough) wash over me; previously is had haunted my mind – what did I do wrong, I did this wrong, I should of done that etc – this only served to stop us from moving forward because I blamed myself and felt horrendously guilty.
Moving forward all I see is love, hope and support – a million miles away from where we were a stressful 2 years ago. ♥