Am I a Failure?!

I don’t tend to get overly personal on here, but today I’m sharing something I’ve been toying with for a while now.

Back when I was 21, I thought I’d be married and a homeowner by the time I was 27. I turned 27 in December and I’m neither of these things, in fact, I can’t see me conquering both of this until I’m over 30 and this is grating on me each and every day. I also thought I’d be in the job I’d be doing for the rest of my life and as much as I love my job, I still think there’s a million and one things I need to try. Does this mean I’ve failed?

I’m not writing this as I want Mike to drop down onto one knee as soon as he’s read it, as that’s not what I want at all. These things can’t be rushed and when the time is right it’ll happen. When I was 21, I thought I was in the relationship that I was meant to be in for the rest of my life, I wasn’t, so when this life plan of mine was formed I was in a very different place to where I am now.

If I want to put a positive outlook on the hoping to have been a homeowner by now, I could be. I have what I need to make this happen, but where I am in my life right now, living with Mike in his flat I’m happy. I know that in the next few years he will sell up and we will buy a place together. Yes, I won’t be 27 like in my life long plan, but I will still be a homeowner, something some people may never get to achieve so have I really failed there? I dunno.

In my dream plan, I’d be working for myself, whether that’s a writer or something totally different, but I’d be my own boss. So that’s not entirely true right now. I get up every day and I battle my way into central London to sit at a desk in an office. Sounds mundane, it’s really not, I work in a fabulous company, with amazing people around me; I really do love my job but I still have managers to report back to.

I haven’t traveled to all the places I’ve want to, I haven’t eaten in all the restaurants I want to, I haven’t seen bands I want to see play live, and I haven’t drunk in all the cool cocktail bars I want to.

I look at these things and feel like I’ve let the younger me down, I’ve not achieved any of things she wanted me to, but does this mean I’ve failed completely?

No, it bloody well doesn’t and it’s taken me some time to get into that way of thinking. I’ve spoken to Mike about it and a few friends too, and they all say life plans are silly and I’ve achieved so much other stuff that I didn’t have planned!

 I think we all go through phases where we doubt ourselves and I need to think of what I have done to get myself to where I am today.

I have an incredible boyfriend, an amazing family, awesome friends, a great job, a home I’m so happy to be living in, I’ve been headhunted more than once, my blog is doing really well, I’ve been to 21 different countries, I’ve hit huge targets with savings and I’ve run marathons. I’ve achieved a lot, and I need to think these things when I stress out about heading towards 30.

Plans shouldn’t rule your life; it’s just an added extra if you achieve it, not something to bring you down if you don’t.