Relationship Advice on How to Find “The One” *

*This is a collaborative post.

Spoiler alert: there is no way to find “The One”. The notion of finding “The One” is as flawed as it is cliched. There’s no logic in it. The simple truth is that people come in and out of our lives like seasons; some stay, and some go.  In the words of Miingle, ”The One”,  is the person who stays, even when things are rough. So I guess you never really know when or how to find them. Love is an entity completely out of our control, so if you really want to find “The One”, stop looking. Stop looking, and start living.

Focus on improving yourself

The more you invest in yourself, address your issues, and do the work required to become your best self, the better chance you have of attracting someone who is right for you. We all have insecurities and fears, and it isn’t possible to live completely without them, but the important thing is to be in a place where you are proud of the person you are. Think about the qualities you’d like to find in a partner, and start to work towards them. Our partners are a mirror of ourselves in many ways, and like the saying of treating others how you wish to be treated goes, be the kind of person that you would want to be with too.

Learn to be happy alone

Find happiness in yourself, because then you won’t be seeking it elsewhere. When you don’t feel content in yourself and are looking for someone to “fix” you or your problems, chances are you won’t find your soulmate, but very well may accept the love of the first person who shows you attention. If you’re too fixated on finding love, your judgement may be skewed and you could end up in a relationship with someone you simply aren’t compatible with, because you didn’t want to be alone. But there is strength in solitude, so lean into it, get comfortable with it, because it will only benefit you in the long run.  

Cultivate a full life

Say yes to life. Be busy, start a hobby, travel, take a course, go out with friends, spend time with loved ones. There is so much more to this life than finding a partner, so don’t let life pass you by because you’re waiting for someone to share it with. Besides, there is nothing stopping you from doing everything you want to do alone, or with a loved one. When you have a balanced, full life, the person you meet will be a bonus, and only add to the abundance you have created. 

Invest in a strong support network

Yes our romantic relationships are important, intimate and beautiful. But so are friendships and familial bonds, and they deserve attention too. In order to have a healthy romantic relationship, you need to have other people in your life to love and support you, so that if things go wrong, you don’t lose your whole life. Your friends, family and other loved ones provide such rich experiences, advice and different kinds of love, all of which only make you better as a person, sibling, partner and friend. 

Once you start living your life for yourself, without looking for “The One”, they will come along at the right moment and sweep you off your feet, I promise.