Hi, hello, you may be wondering who I am and where your favourite blue-haired gal is. My name is Lizi and I’m here to chat all things dating during the coronavirus pandemic.
Let me set the scene. I’ve been on and off single for many a year now, live by myself and I’m essentially the definition of ridin’ solo. 2020 was meant to be the year where I, ahem, had fun. OK, it was meant to be the year of the hoe. (Sorry, mum). Needless to say, I didn’t quite reach hoe status, but at least I can blame it on Covid rather than my inability to make it to date #2. Right?
I’m here to share with you my dating experiences and my tales of single life, all whilst maintaining a safe social distance.
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A dry spell is one thing, being told you can’t do something is another. And let me tell you, this pent-up frustration comes to the surface pretty damn fast on a dating app. I’d say about 90% of my conversations with straight men were either to the point that they wanted to get laid or tried to lure you into a conversation before making it sexually explicit – and that was prior to even a phone call.
Don’t get me wrong, I get it, I really do. But it’s as frustrating for me, as a woman with self-respect, as much as it’s frustrating for a bloke who is battling with his housemates for the bandwidth to stream Pornhub every night. Let’s be honest, it’s not a time where you want to see a video buffering.
Did you know that you can actually purchase human pheromones which are proven to help you attract others? Pheromones are the scent that allows you to distinguish between the scents of sexually aroused and non-aroused person, and according to research we are programmed to do so!
Who knew that a man in a nice, smart mask that covers his nose could have the same sex appeal as a well-ironed shirt and jeans combo? Any man who suggests breaking the rules for what is essentially their gain (as I’d say meeting me is a treat, even at a social distance), is a red flag. In my book, blatant rule breaking to meet a stranger is shady and downright selfish. Take for example a former acquaintance of mine who lurked into my DMs back in April to proposition me for a threesome (yes, I know, curveball). Thousands were dying a day, I hadn’t seen my family in weeks and he thought I’d put myself at risk to fulfil his fantasy? No hun.
I’ll be honest, the lack of meeting in person means getting creative and I think Zoom dates and telephone calls are definitely the way forward to getting to know someone. It’s low effort, low cost and really, you only need to get ready from the waist up. Plus it’s a reason to get dolled up, make an effort and take a selfie that’s worthy of your grid.
Prior to Covid, a telephone call or video chat wouldn’t have even crossed my mind before meeting someone, but it’s definitely a good way to get to know someone and vet them before wasting both an evening and your own hard-earned cash going out on a date.
Anyone out there who’s in the single market hasn’t got too much of a choice otherwise for the foreseeable. Unless you’re a keyworker, an office romance is out of the equation when you’re working from home (and I don’t suggest getting frisky over Teams on your work laptop, IT will not be best pleased) and meeting someone when you’re at a 2m distance everywhere you go seems pretty unlikely. So like it or lump it, it’s time to swipe.
Not wanting to be super-cynical, but we all know more couples who have broken up after spending every waking hour together in 2020, than those who were single and coupled up in the last 12 months. Understandably, lockdown saw some relationships get to breaking point and the dating pool will be a little deeper off the back of it. Single women everywhere will be rubbing their hands with glee in 2021, just as much as divorce lawyers will be.
So, the real question is, how did lockdown dating go for me? Honestly, not great. Did I speak to some nice people? Sure. About 5% of the time they were nice people just not the right one for me. The other 95%? Well, they were after one thing and I can tell you now, it wasn’t my sparkling personality.
Here’s to 2021 being the year that I either find love or at the very least, a new bubble buddy.